Is up on 100 Layer Cake. I almost forgot to post it over here!
It seems so far away now, it’s hard to remember all those little tidbits of wisdom I wanted to impart on future brides reading my blog. But I will try. I would have liked to hear people’s advice post-wedding while I was planning mine. So following the theme of the rehearsal dinner and rehearsal and cocktail party:
Post wedding notes
Only follow traditions that resonate with you.
There’s no sense in doing something at your wedding that doesn’t make sense to you as a person and a couple. I shan’t get in to what we did and didn’t do, but just try to remember that this is YOUR party, and you should do whatever you want.
Okay actually, I will say one thing because I can’t resist. A number of people were horrified (during the planning process) that I had decided to wear black shoes. *gasp* Brides don’t wear black!!! It’s bad luck! um. oookay. No. See, wearing a particular color has no bearing on weather or not your marriage will be successful. Use your noggin when making these sorts of decisions.
Ask someone to marry you who really knows you.
I realize that there are many people out there who aren’t comfortable with the idea that someone who does not hold a religious certification could marry them. Which, hey you know, whatever works for you. But even if you do decide to have a priest or a rabbi perform your ceremony, try to spend some time with that person so they know what kind of ceremony you want. We were at a close friend’s wedding recently and the priest said the bride’s name wrong. Doh!
We had Brock’s older brother Sky marry us (who is now a reverend in the Universal Life Church!) and it was just so amazing. He did SUCH a good job and everyone laughed and cried and it was a little longer than some ceremonies, but everyone said they enjoyed it so much. In fact a bunch of my parents’ friends who I don’t know that well said, you know before the wedding, we really didn’t know Brock and Kristina, but now (at the reception these discussions happened), we feel like we do. And it’s so great to be here celebrating with them.
Aww. We owe it all to Sky of course because he put together such a thoughtful ceremony. In the end, I have to say, the ceremony was one of my favorite parts of the day.
In fact, it was so perfectly meaningful to have Sky marry us that the 3 brothers have decided that each will marry another. Sky and Melanie are getting married in September and their younger brother Jordan is marrying Sky. And then when Jordan gets married (in like 10 years) Brock will marry him. Cuuuute.
So there’s that.
If at all possible avoid lugging all supplies, arrangements, 15 pumpkins, place cards, 90 pounds of flower frogs, favors, etc over to your venue at 11 pm the night before the wedding. We survived, but I had a moment of, OMG what are we doing? Let’s just not do this. But we did.
Consider taking your pictures before the ceremony.
I know this is a sensitive subject for so many people, but let me assure you that the magic isn’t lost when you have your “first look” alone, just the two of you (and your photogs, obvs), hours before the ceremony. It doesn’t make the moment any less special, it doesn’t take away form the butterflies before you walk down the aisle. It just means that
1) You get to have your moment together, without 200 people watching, where you can both cry and hug and kiss, and then spend the next few hours together taking pictures and enjoying your wedding day as a couple. Not holed up in your getting ready area. The day and night go by so fast, I’m so grateful for the time we had together that afternoon.
2) You are completely and totally relaxed before the wedding starts. I was just super excited for the ceremony to start by the time 5 o’clock rolled around. And then I got insanely nervous as my parents and I were walking out to the ceremony space. And I almost broke into huge sobs. But I made it. No blubbering until we read our vows. And then, just for a moment.
3) You don’t have to miss the cocktail party. Which in and of itself should be the deal sealer. Brock and I left the ceremony and went up to our hugely beautiful room above the pool. We shared a glass of champagne and watched the party for a while from our perch and then we got to go join in the fun.
Write your own vows
Which I’m aware, is easier said than done. I was totally stressed about it the week before the wedding, (Brock had finished his weeks before, sooo telling of our personalities), and nervous they weren’t going to be profound or thoughtful enough. But once I started writing them, they just came. And then I practiced reading them to Melanie the night before and morning of the wedding… like 30 times. I sobbed my way through them each time. BUT! The 31st time was the charm. I made it almost to the very end before the tears came.
Something about writing them forces you to connect to the event and to your partner and to what you intend your marriage to be in such a real way.
And I’m sure there are plenty of other things too, that’s probably enough advice giving for one post. What worked for me won’t necessarily work for you and that’s totally great and fine. In the end you just want to be sure that you’re celebrating your marriage the way you want to.
Okay. Have a good weekend all.
Photo by Michèle M. Waite