Kristina

I’m Kristina - freelance graphic designer, backyard farmer, cookbook reader, project starter, and new mom to a gorgeous little boy.

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July 23, 2009

Our wedding

Is up on 100 Layer Cake. I almost forgot to post it over here!

It seems so far away now, it’s hard to remember all those little tidbits of wisdom I wanted to impart on future brides reading my blog. But I will try. I would have liked to hear people’s advice post-wedding while I was planning mine. So following the theme of the rehearsal dinner and rehearsal and cocktail party:

Post wedding notes

Only follow traditions that resonate with you.

There’s no sense in doing something at your wedding that doesn’t make sense to you as a person and a couple. I shan’t get in to what we did and didn’t do, but just try to remember that this is YOUR party, and you should do whatever you want.

Okay actually, I will say one thing because I can’t resist. A number of people were horrified (during the planning process) that I had decided to wear black shoes. *gasp* Brides don’t wear black!!! It’s bad luck! um. oookay. No. See, wearing a particular color has no bearing on weather or not your marriage will be successful. Use your noggin when making these sorts of decisions.

Ask someone to marry you who really knows you.

I realize that there are many people out there who aren’t comfortable with the idea that someone who does not hold a religious certification could marry them. Which, hey you know, whatever works for you. But even if you do decide to have a priest or a rabbi perform your ceremony, try to spend some time with that person so they know what kind of ceremony you want. We were at a close friend’s wedding recently and the priest said the bride’s name wrong. Doh!

We had Brock’s older brother Sky marry us (who is now a reverend in the Universal Life Church!) and it was just so amazing. He did SUCH a good job and everyone laughed and cried and it was a little longer than some ceremonies, but everyone said they enjoyed it so much. In fact a bunch of my parents’ friends who I don’t know that well said, you know before the wedding, we really didn’t know Brock and Kristina, but now (at the reception these discussions happened), we feel like we do. And it’s so great to be here celebrating with them.

Aww. We owe it all to Sky of course because he put together such a thoughtful ceremony. In the end, I have to say, the ceremony was one of my favorite parts of the day.

In fact, it was so perfectly meaningful to have Sky marry us that the 3 brothers have decided that each will marry another. Sky and Melanie are getting married in September and their younger brother Jordan is marrying Sky. And then when Jordan gets married (in like 10 years) Brock will marry him. Cuuuute.

So there’s that.

Next…

If at all possible avoid lugging all supplies, arrangements, 15 pumpkins, place cards, 90 pounds of flower frogs, favors, etc over to your venue at 11 pm the night before the wedding. We survived, but I had a moment of, OMG what are we doing? Let’s just not do this. But we did.

Consider taking your pictures before the ceremony.

I know this is a sensitive subject for so many people, but let me assure you that the magic isn’t lost when you have your “first look” alone, just the two of you (and your photogs, obvs), hours before the ceremony. It doesn’t make the moment any less special, it doesn’t take away form the butterflies before you walk down the aisle. It just means that

1) You get to have your moment together, without 200 people watching, where you can both cry and hug and kiss, and then spend the next few hours together taking pictures and enjoying your wedding day as a couple. Not holed up in your getting ready area. The day and night go by so fast, I’m so grateful for the time we had together that afternoon.

2) You are completely and totally relaxed before the wedding starts. I was just super excited for the ceremony to start by the time 5 o’clock rolled around. And then I got insanely nervous as my parents and I were walking out to the ceremony space. And I almost broke into huge sobs. But I made it. No blubbering until we read our vows. And then, just for a moment.

3) You don’t have to miss the cocktail party. Which in and of itself should be the deal sealer. Brock and I left the ceremony and went up to our hugely beautiful room above the pool. We shared a glass of champagne and watched the party for a while from our perch and then we got to go join in the fun.

Write your own vows

Which I’m aware, is easier said than done. I was totally stressed about it the week before the wedding, (Brock had finished his weeks before, sooo telling of our personalities), and nervous they weren’t going to be profound or thoughtful enough. But once I started writing them, they just came. And then I practiced reading them to Melanie the night before and morning of the wedding… like 30 times. I sobbed my way through them each time. BUT! The 31st time was the charm. I made it almost to the very end before the tears came.

Something about writing them forces you to connect to the event and to your partner and to what you intend your marriage to be in such a real way.

And I’m sure there are plenty of other things too, that’s probably enough advice giving for one post. What worked for me won’t necessarily work for you and that’s totally great and fine. In the end you just want to be sure that you’re celebrating your marriage the way you want to.

Okay. Have a good weekend all.

Photo by Michèle M. Waite

comments

  1. Rachel said on July 24, 2009

    Such great advice! I'll take it to heart. You know, when I finally get around to getting married.

  2. betting_im_not said on July 24, 2009

    my husband and i are photographers, and we always try to get our couples to do photos before the ceremony.
    only about 20% actually do, and the ones that don't complain that they don't get to enjoy cocktail hour, or that we take them away from the reception.
    we try our best to make sure you enjoy your wedding, but if you hire us to do your photos, then we need time to do them!

  3. Nadine said on July 24, 2009

    Really wonderful advice. Thanks for sharing!

  4. EliseBlaha said on July 24, 2009

    great advice.
    thank you.

  5. Mary said on July 24, 2009

    sigh, just gorgeous!

  6. Johanna said on July 24, 2009

    your wedding looks incredible. I will definitely take your advice! Thank you for sharing.

  7. Simply Mel said on July 24, 2009

    Beautiful photo, and I LOVE that you wore black shoes!

    We eloped (and it was just all about us), but there is always that little girl inside me who still dreams of the fairytale wedding!

  8. Holly said on July 24, 2009

    your dress is just too beautiful! and i agree on the silly traditions!

  9. Sara said on July 24, 2009

    You're the best! I love your advice. You're giving me greater confidence in the decisions I'm making.

  10. perfect bound said on July 25, 2009

    Hi Kristina–Just wanted to say that I've been loving your wedding all week long! Thanks for sharing so much. Where to start? Oh your dress! Your shoes! Your hair! I hope you inspire more brides to wear black shoes on their wedding day. It's the best way to compliment a killer gown. Don't you wish you could do it all again? Or at least play dress up for the day?

  11. Hitch said on July 25, 2009

    Hello – just wanted to say that I have the same wedding dress as you! My wedding is this November. Alix and Kelly sent me the link to your photos – your wedding was really lovely! Dress just arrived in the mail yesterday (I live in Phoenix)…I feel like I've been waiting forever for the dress to arrive and I've been sitting around my house in it all day :)

  12. Melinda said on July 25, 2009

    Thanks for saying what you did about taking the photos before the wedding. I'm getting married on October 3, and we are doing our photos before the ceremony due to the ceremony and reception being in the same place. I have been really against it, because I was all about that "first look" as I walk (or am pulled along by my mother) down the aisle. But what you said makes me feel better and actually I'm starting to feel less like I'm going to vomit before (I'm not a fan f people looking at me) now that I'm thinking about seeing my fiance for the photos and riding in the limo with him to the wedding, I'm hoping he keeps me calm.
    Also, my uncle is marrying us, and i was wondering how you decided what would be said during the ceremony? I'm afraid our ceremony is going to be like 2 minutes long.
    Oh, and one last thing, I LOVE your shoes, I wish I could pull heels like that off! I'm wearing pink (tiny) heels.

  13. Ash3 said on July 27, 2009

    I'm so glad I read your advice on the photography session. I am getting married this September (in Ireland) at 3pm and the weather could be quite dull- so the light will be fading by 4pm – which is a concern for my photographer. I would never have considered taking some of the photos before the ceremony, it makes sense though. I am not a traditionalist, but I always believed there should be the ‘wow’ factor when your husband sees you for the first time that day on the aisle, but now I’m wondering if hanging out during the afternoon and relaxing together would de-stress the whole situation.
    I love the look you went for, it appears you stayed true to yourself and as a result you look natural and relaxed. Your black Lou (ies) looked fab. My shoes are a dark rich burgundy. I intend to wear my shoes and my dress many times in the future, why won’t I? It’s the most beautiful outfit I have ever purchased!
    I have also taken on board your advice regarding the flowers/table centrepieces the night before- it was my plan to bring everything over late in the night and make them up on site- I am now looking into an alternative and less stressful way of dealing with the décor!
    Thanks again.. PS I love your blog.

  14. Amy@OldSweetSong said on July 27, 2009

    Wow. Great advice. Thanks for sharing this, it only made me want to get married more!

  15. Joslyn said on July 27, 2009

    man you look stunning! that dress…swoon!

  16. iheartkiwi said on July 27, 2009

    i loved going back through your blog and reading some of your wedding planning posts!

    the advice is very much appreciated… i'm getting married in nov. and it's important to remember that as long as you and your hubby are happy that's all that matters.

    p.s. we are taking our photos beforehand and couldn't be happier about it!

  17. Victoria said on July 28, 2009

    You look fabulous on your wedding day. I too wore black shoes at my wedding, together with a beautiful black flower attached to Swarowski crystal choker. I loved my look. Great advice.

  18. paula said on July 28, 2009

    not sure how I missed that this was you over on 100. I guess I just caught up in all the beauty.

  19. D-Day said on July 29, 2009

    great to hear your perspective and advice! unfortunately it's not so easy in the state of Virginia to have someone not already ordained conduct the ceremony. We're not religious so it was never a concern about that. we found an officiant who we'll work with over the next 8 months to put our ceremony together, and she really works hard to get to know her couples before the wedding so it feels really personal. I have high hopes! but I agree, the ideal would be having a family member or close friend do it.

  20. Lysandra said on July 29, 2009

    Amazing advice – thank you and congratulations!

  21. melissa said on July 30, 2009

    Wow, kindred spirits. I have to say our wedding was similarly set up. Our friend did the ceremony, we junked the traditions we didn't believe in, I wore a *gasp* short *gasp* not white *gasp* vintage dress I practivaly got for free, we wrote our vows albeit together, and we did the photos before. I have to agree with everything you said. Really great advice to all those brides out there wringing there hands. It will be fine, ladies!

  22. the sassy kathy said on July 30, 2009

    this is such wonderful advice. my favorite?

    Only follow traditions that resonate with you.

    and

    Ask someone to marry you who really knows you.

    so so true!

    thanks :)

  23. east side bride said on July 31, 2009

    To play devil's advocate… H-town refused to do photos before the ceremony — he wanted to see me for the first time at the altar. And watching him walk down the aisle toward me (yeah, I walked first) was pretty effing amazing. I wouldn't trade it.

  24. Marty J. Christopher said on August 6, 2009

    I heart this post. I really do. I'm linking it to my own blog.

  25. Al_Pal said on August 18, 2009

    I wouldn't have thought of doing photos beforehand. Great advice. :D

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