Kristina

I’m Kristina - freelance graphic designer, backyard farmer, cookbook reader, project starter, and new mom to a gorgeous little boy.

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March 28, 2011

Another baby

Not pregnant. But, you know, pondering… as in when is the right time for a second? It seems like babies and bellies are everywhere right now and I can’t help start to feel like I might want to give it another go. Jamie, Celia, Melanie, Alyson, Alexis, Bridget, a number of you lovely readers, plus a bunch of other ladies I know who *gasp* DON’T HAVE BLOGS. (Imagine!)

But here’s the thing. It’s just so much easier now. We’re all sort of accustomed to our rhythm and getting enough sleep (ish) and I love that we have so much time to focus on Dashiell. It’s scary to think that would all be disrupted and we’d be starting the entire process over again. Plus 100LC is on the cusp of really taking off and I’m finally figuring out how to get work done. Adding another tiny baby into that equation is a little overwhelming too.

Oh and there’s the house situation. If we have another babe, we’ll have to move. Either that or remodel, but remodeling would be a challenge since we don’t actually own our house. Sure we could manage for a few months, but we’re already splitting the seams of our little home so baby #2 will mean something definitely has to change.

But is there ever a right time? Will we ever be like, oh NOW is the time. Now we’re 100% ready to have another baby. Maybe eventually. But I might be 47 by then and me thinks that would be a little on the late side.

Plus if our first baby is this adorable, imagine what it would be like to have two little faces to snuggle every morning.

Any of you pondering number two? Have number two on the way? I know it’s a majorly personal decision, but I’m just curious how those conversations went down.

comments

  1. Lisa said on March 28, 2011

    Before Kate was born, my hubby said “let’s knock ‘em out, the sooner the better.” I said “hold your horses; change one diaper first before we make any decisions, mister.” He’d now like two years between kids, I’d like three (let her be the baby while she’s still a baby)…so we decided we will start trying again when Kate turns two and see what fate holds. Plus my delivery was not so pleasant that I am looking forward to doing it again anytime soon. Must let the memory blocker work its magic a wee bit more.

  2. Linda said on March 28, 2011

    Ha! I hear you loud and clear. I have one, he will be one May 1st. I have wanted #2 for a while now and I am regretful that we tried not to get pregnant the past several months (you can email if you want more of my thoughts) and now that we are trying for real, it is not happening. I say if you sort of feel ready, then you best get trying. Also, you’ll have little “regret” once you are pregnant because 1. you wanted to at some point so at least its not something you didn’t want, and 2. don’t forget you’ll have 9 months +/- to get used to the idea and by then it will feel so right, most likely. Really though, I’d rather have my kids quickly, now, so they can enjoy each other – close in age- and I can enjoy them while I am younger too… Best to you in your decision to bring another life to the earth. I’d love to chat more about this but its seems sort of the wrong place in a comment. Just know, we too (and I’m sure so many others), are going through, and dealing with the #2 debate. Btw, thank you for sharing your personal thoughts about this.

  3. HIllary said on March 28, 2011

    I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old, they are a little under 21 months apart and it has definitely been an adjustment. I feel like I am finally resurfacing and things are sort of becoming more predictable. It was really hard on me in the beginning not being able to give my first child the one on one time that we both grew so use too and loved. I always knew that I wanted more children and I wanted them close together but I never imagined how hard it was going to be. I think life will get easier once they are both a bit older but right now I am in the thick of it and I feel like two kids may be the right number for my husband and I.

  4. Sarah said on March 28, 2011

    I’m pregnant with No. 3 so I’m a bit ahead of you. :) No. 1 & No. 2 are 18 months apart. Neither one was planned. No. 1 (a girl, Ellie) was shocking, but we quickly got used to it. Getting pregnant with No. 2 (a boy, Gray) when Ellie was just 9 months old took waaay more getting used to. Now, I wouldn’t change it for the world. They are now 4 and 2.5, and they do everything together. They were babies together, toddlers together, preschoolers together, etc. It is exhausting, but worth it, I think. We did plan No. 3 (a girl, Lylah, due in June), and now I’m worried about what it will be like to have those two so close and this one 3 years later. Will I go nuts with the two different stages? We only have three bedrooms, will it be too cramped for Lylah to share a room with us and eventually with her sister? What if, what if, what if…? What if it’s wonderful? Every child takes some adjusting to and figuring out, but it’s always wonderful. I don’t think we’re done at 3, even, so I’m just getting used to puzzle pieces strewn about and dirty hand prints on every other wall. The rest can wait. Children don’t last. Best of luck on your decision to grow a family.

  5. Katherine said on March 28, 2011

    I totally understand where you are!

    We have a 22 month old and trying for another! There are so many things we’re overwhelmed by and we will certainly bust at the seams in this tiny apartment, but it all doesn’t seem more important to me than having another babe. I’m convinced the perfect time to have a baby doesn’t exist. I think children are meant to stir things up and show us how to surrender more and plan less.

    “Thought it was full but it was halfway to the top. Love is an ocean and I am a tiny cup.” -Sandra McCracken (songwriter)

  6. Brittany said on March 28, 2011

    Oh my goodness your baby is a doll! And I am going baby hungry and I only got married in November! You have a super fun blog, I found it off itsahuntlife blog I’m a new follower!

  7. Ann said on March 28, 2011

    i say there are a lot of factors to consider. although i was 23 when i married, we waited until i was 29 to have the first one, which ended up with having one at 30 instead. we had decided that we were planning on having 2 children rather than 4 (i didn’t want 3). and, then i had the second really soon since we were overseas and i had a full time maid. my children are 18 months apart. i would not do it with out help. it is a tough decision to make and all factors must be considered…and it sounds like you are considering them all. you will know when you should have a second or third or fourth.

  8. jora said on March 28, 2011

    wow, this is a toughie. i think sometimes matters like this are best left to chance (as 2 of our 3 babies were!)… seriously, if you have a tendency to overthink things (like i do), you can drive yourself a little crazy! here’s what i have noticed: if you are really wanting “playmates” for siblings, the kids need to be 3 yrs. or fewer apart. but my 5.5 yr. old and 17 mo. old love to play together, so there’s that. also, if you have the time, spreading them out really lets you enjoy them…. and you get a little helper. but if you want a bunch of kids, or really want them to be playmates from the beginning, or just want the whole diaper/sleepless nights thing over as quickly as possible, go for it sooner than later. life circumstances have a way of sorting out when there is a little one on the way. it’s weird and really nice. any way you do it, you are about to find out that a mother’s love is exponential!

  9. Meghan Lazarus said on March 28, 2011

    I have a son who will turn 2 in May and I got the itch to have a second baby around the end of last year. I don’t think there’s ever the ‘right’ time to start again – I say just go with your gut. My mom had 9 and she said it gets easier with each child – she said we were all each others best friends. I’m super close with all my siblings to this day so I knew I wanted to have kids fairly close in age. We decided in January to give it another go and on Friday I’ll be 3 months along with my 2nd. Every worry that I had beforehand completely disappeared the second the test came up positive. My home is also going to be too small for 4, my schedule is already pretty insane and I definitely have my hands full with my little guy already – but when I fast forward to having my children growing up together – makes it all worth it. When it comes to a family you love – I think you’ll always find a way to make it work.

  10. Nicole said on March 28, 2011

    Number Two(Finn) decided for us. I was not ready but he was ready to welcome the world. Accidents can be blessings in disguise. I cannot image life without my TWO little’s.

  11. Tiffany said on March 28, 2011

    I had #2 nines ago. We knew that we wanted more than child. I wanted them to be at least 2 years apart. I wanted child#1 to be mobile/ potty trained. I’m not a mom who want 2 kids in diapers. But our kids are almost 3 years apart and it’s wonderful!!! But it’s up to you to decide what works for you. I also love to work and still work full time and still breastfeeding… So you decide and make it work for your family :0)

  12. logan said on March 28, 2011

    We are in the same boat! Our sweet boy turns 1 April 16th and I’ve been thinking about the best time to add number 2. There are so many things to think about. It’s tough! and as much as it is a personal decision, it’s nice to hear your thoughts on the subject.

    I’d ideally like them to be 2 years apart, but that would require us to start trying come July. Which seems really soon! and having a single income, etc – is there ever a good time? and I’m not sure how it would be to juggle working full time, and caring for a newborn and toddler! Life decisions!

    I’d say just go with your gut instinct. If you’re craving a baby, you’ll make it work. Things will all fit together like a perfect little puzzle. You’re a supermom!

  13. Cynthia said on March 28, 2011

    My sons are 26 months apart. We were poor and in a tiny apartment. They played together from the moment the little one could sit up and they’ve been best friends ever since. They are now 27 and 29…the money flowed, the houses got big enough, they chose the same college far from home. Neither was “planned”, but both were most definitely wanted, cherished, adored. Good luck with your process and go with your instincts!

  14. Jac said on March 28, 2011

    Help! Yes! Number 1 turning 1 in April and at first thought I may only want one child as I myself am an only. It’s completely impossible to imagine two – both in my daughter’s shoes and in my own as a mom (how will it feel to love more than one? Will I possibly love them as much as my first? I simply can’t imagine!). But I am willing to trust that I will love that second just as much and even more, so will my daughter. And just as I couldn’t truly imagine the overwhelming amount of love I have for my daughter, I am banking on feeling a new feeling just as big to see them together playing. So I am going to start trying this month. And am hoping that the sooner we have the second, the less my daughter will feel like an only child with another person coming in and taking her attention away. That being said, i truly believe that whatever happens, we will make work in the best possible way – weather we have another child asap, or in a few years, or are unable to have another altogether. And I believe the same for you!

  15. bridget said on March 28, 2011

    well, as you know, for us it’s number 5. and there miiiight even be a number 6. and your number 1 is so cute that i think it’d only be right to have another. those genes are too good not to have another.

  16. carolina postcard said on March 28, 2011

    Hmmm… can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve been thinking about this myself. My Miriam isn’t even 1 and I already have baby on the brain again. Well some days. What I think is it’s too hard to plan. Work will always be busy and there will be no perfect time no matter how you try and map it out. Life can change in an instant so you just have to forge ahead and let things happen when they’re supposed to. Easier said than done, but that’s what I tell myself. When the time is right. And besides, Bridget is right about those good lookin’ genes!

  17. catherine said on March 28, 2011

    I couldn’t believe when I read this post. I got married a few months before you did, and I had my son a few months before your son was born, and today I went to an acupuncturist to start getting things going so my body will hopefully be ready when I am. My son is 15 months, and I think we’ll start trying in June. I have all the same issues you have – house, space, money, career, ambition – but, although I’m not a religious person, I think this is one of those times you just have to have blind faith. And I’m sure when we have our second one we’ll wonder how any other time could have been as perfect, right? There’s also the nagging worry in the back of my head that this doesn’t get easier as you get older – both getting pregnant, being pregnant, and making it through those first few month – so I feel like we shouldn’t wait to long since I’ll be 38 in September. And who knows, maybe we’ll want a third? Just kidding….

  18. Katie said on March 28, 2011

    Even though you are just pondering..how fun! Your first little one is so beautiful :-) My best friend ended up getting pregnant pretty quick after her first son turned one, I think she liked having them close, but it most certainly is a handful, she’s a stay at home mom, and those two little boys keep her well occupied. I think you’re 100% right for wondering if there’s ever a time in life where you’re 100% ready, I don’t think that time ever comes (or does it?) haha. Either way, you have a lovely family, can’t wait to hear about your decision :-)

  19. Brook said on March 28, 2011

    My oldest daughter is turning four (!!!) in five days and my second daughter is 6 months old and I have to admit it seems really perfect for us. Big sis is SUCH a big help, more than you can imagine and I feel like I got a full childhood with her alone before “sharing” time with another. She can play independently while I attend to the baby and understands if I need a couple of minutes to do something. But they are also best friends even with the age gap. That was my biggest concern but they are so close already I know they always will cherish each other. I have more details I can share with you over email about why we have the 3.5 year spacing if you want to drop me a line. Love your blog! D is SO cute! It is SO true that you have no comprehension of how your heart will grow until it does. Even more with the second because you see the love they have for each other too.

  20. Amy said on March 28, 2011

    LOVE your blog! I’ve been thinking the same thoughts lately. I have little Stella who will turn one in May and thinking about number 2! I’m just not quite ready…maybe a few more months? But then I think…why not now? Your little guy is adorable!

  21. Kristina said on March 28, 2011

    Wow, see? Look how many women think about the exact same things??? funny.

    Thanks so much for sharing all or your thoughts and experiences. It’s interesting to hear what others decided… or didn’t!

    @jora – I’m kind of afraid of the exponential love. Srsly, don’t know if I’m ready for my mind to be blown again.

    @jac – totally

    @catherine – whoaaaaa. That is so weird, right? Funny enough we’ll probably continue to be a few months behind you. ;) Definitely might want a third. Maybe.

    @brook – I’ve heard the 3+ year difference is great for those exact reasons.

  22. Michele said on March 28, 2011

    I have two girls and they are 13 months apart. We hadn’t planned for them to be so close together, but we knew we wanted two, and we knew that we wanted them within a few years of one another. It was hard at first, but it is the most amazing thing to see them love and fight and play and annoy one another. I see their relationship develop a little more every day and it makes me feel like the best mom ever. All that is my way of saying, DO IT!! :)

  23. debi said on March 29, 2011

    my friend sent me a link to your blog and i’ve been blogstalking you for a while now. we have a son, also born february 2010. my husband and i have been talking about a second as well… but not sure when.

  24. Ashley J. said on March 29, 2011

    We never “decided” to have either of our babies, lol. They sortof just happened…
    Anastasia was a suprise, I was 18 and he was 20. Nicolai was a mini-pill baby. And thank god for them both!
    Our third will be expected and planned. Daddy doesn’t think he wants one, but I have a good 3 to 5 years to convince him ;)

  25. celia said on March 29, 2011

    first off, YES you do make adorable babies… i can see the temptation.

    second, we’re only planning on one so i’m not sure i’m qualified to comment, but i’ll give it a go anyway. if this pregnancy hadn’t been a happy accident, i’m not sure i would have ever gotten pregnant. joe was dead set and ready, but i was wrapped up in all the small details… where we lived, how much money we made, our careers, etc. somehow, i had convinced myself that the ONLY way to have a child was to live in a spacious, but modest, 3 bedroom house with a yard, have highly successful careers, and be bringing in loads and loads of money. SO NOT TRUE. when i found out i was pregnant, i panicked… for a solid 5-6 months. i just didn’t see how we would make it work, and i felt far from ready. luckily, something clicked and i realized that no one is ever really READY for a baby (i would imagine the same goes for a second or third as well), yet it just seems to work itself out. sure our living situation isn’t ideal (1 bedroom), i’m in the middle of refiguring out what i want to do with my life, and we’re certainly not on the road to sending this child to private school (something i really wanted because i went to private school), but having a baby brings so much more to the table than all that stuff. and when i really look at it, we have SO MUCH to offer this baby. so yeah, maybe the timing is a little off, but there’s no doubt in my mind it’s going to be f*cking amazing and that everything is going to be JUST FINE.

  26. Hope Sypert said on March 29, 2011

    I loved reading this! We are in a similar boat and I obsess constantly – such a comfort to know so do so many other mamas!

    We have a 20 month old and actually began trying a couple of months ago but have not turned up pregnant yet. Number 1 is still nursing – just once a day now – and we both still love that relationship and I believe (I hope) that’s part of why getting pregnant this second time round is proving a little harder.

    All that said, I just LOVE the (relative) ease of one especially since, as you said, this feels like such a magical time: we’re partly potty-trained, he’s communicating more and more and we all actually get some sleep! The best part is, I can write while he naps – I feel like that’ll all go up in a puff of smoke with number 2. So each month I’m not pg I sort of feel relieved, then sad because I’d love T (#1) to have a sibling soon.

    I think it really does work out how it’s supposed to though. I’ve heard 2 yrs apart is best, no, no 3 yrs is best! Ha! I’m sure lots of variations are great!

  27. Katy said on March 29, 2011

    A little different question…how do you decide you’re ready for #1? My husband and I are ready emotionally (we think), we’re both 30 and really want a little munchkin. It seems like it’s time. But I worry about never having enough time or money. Or space. The act of actually going off birth control and trying to get pregnant is freaking me out!

  28. blake said on March 29, 2011

    Hey, stop reading my mind :) Definitely a topic around these parts.

  29. Sally said on March 29, 2011

    Oh, how I’d love to have another babe to raise. However, I am a divorced mama to my first one. While I’m in a committed relationship, I’m traditional enough to want to be married to my 2nd baby daddy. Sooo….I snuggle all the babies I can from friends and family, then find gratitude in the fact that I get to sleep through the night, my first angel can dress herself and becomes more independent every day, and my own independence at this point.

    Ain’t that just the way it goes…I really wasn’t “ready” for my first, but my wasband (then husband) was. So…we went ahead and 9 months after we started trying, we achieved lift off. Within months of her being born, he was ready to try again. At this point, we were on the rocks and I definitely wasn’t ready for a 2nd.

    Now, the desire is great, but again the timing is not quite right.

    So, if you decide to have this lovely little bundle, snuggle it an extra bit for me. Be thankful for the choices that you are contemplating!

  30. elizabeth antonia said on March 29, 2011

    he is ridiculously cute. sigh. i don’t know, i am so on the fence!

  31. Nicole Halpern said on March 30, 2011

    never a right time for baby number two. Just do it!!!! like the Nike saying. It’s better now that you are in full blown baby/toddler mode. It’s hard but you will be out of the weeds in the next few years. If you wait, you have to start all over again with diapers etc. This way you can get rid of the large baby stuff probably piling up in your living room in the next few years instead of holding on to it until you decide to have number two. I say do it. I am in the thick of it right now and I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have an almost 3 year old and an 8 month old. It’s great to see how much the older one loves the baby.
    Do It!!!! very exciting…..Good luck on what you decide.

  32. Brook said on March 30, 2011

    Another thought about your comment that you would have to move. You may be surprised how well two can fit into the same space as one. Especially when they help clean up after themselves/each other. Maybe they will want bunk beds like mine. Most people in other countries have more people living in less space. You get to snuggle more!

  33. Melanie said on March 31, 2011

    you know i vote this fall. so we can walk to tasting kitchen for a cocktail TOGETHER in August

  34. Melissa said on March 31, 2011

    while the crumb is definitely our one and only (never even planned to have ONE), we are thrilled with the best mistake we ever made! ;)

    but in answer to your question, my brother and I are 2.5 years apart and we are still the best of friends. great age difference if you ask me…

  35. Alexis said on April 1, 2011

    I got to the point where we were 100% ready… I never thought of myself as being very practical but the older I get the more I think that I am. I wanted room for babe #2… so we added on… I wanted Henry in school and potty trained… sounds all too predictable and boring but #1 really throw me for a loop so I wanted to make sure both feet were securely planted on the ground before sleep deprivation take 2 started. Plus… next year when Henry is in school I can have some precious alone time with the next one. excited/scared.

    Oh plus Ross held Dashiell at D+G’s party and he got the fever ;)

  36. Kristen said on April 1, 2011

    Ummmm…I have four–and they are all 2.5 years apart–like clockwork, I say! They are so cool and I love that they are so close with me (my first baby, now eleven is such a sweetheart and such a huge help–not embarrassed around me, yet…he he). I think once you have two, that is the busiest you’ll be. We do everything together–everyone has a swim lesson at the same time, we hike, bike and eat together….somehow it just works.

    Go for 2–you won’t regret it (and yes, 2.5 years apart is awesome!–my brother is 2.5 years older than I, and we shared an apartment even in college!!!)…cheers!

  37. jodi said on April 4, 2011

    for me – i didn’t find my prince charming until i was older, so by the time we dated, got engaged, and got married – having kids was 1st on the list… my baby is 5-months old and i just turned 40 so i don’t feel i have as much time to wait before we have another… i’d like to have at least a year in between, or maybe two, but we also have a small house and would have to move… then again, babies don’t take up much space so we’d be okay for a while… i think you just have to trust your gut and like people have said, you’re already in baby mode so… good luck! love the blog! :)

  38. desiree said on April 5, 2011

    I don’t think there is ever a right time. But then there is never a wrong time either. When we found out we were expecting baby number two I was not prepared and still shocked up until the day I had him. Now I can’t imagine our life without him. Although my kids can be very hard at times I love that they are really close in age. :)

  39. Kristina said on April 6, 2011

    Love reading everyone’s experiences! And now the epilogue…

    After a bit more contemplation I realized that I would LOVE to have the summer with no new projects on the horizon. Babies are v. big projects, after all! It will be so nice to spend the summer at the beach just the three of us and then when fall comes and we’ve had some time to just relax, maybe we’ll give it a go again.

    Though, I realize things can change when you’re not expecting them to!

    Thanks for sharing everyone.

  40. bigBANG studio said on April 7, 2011

    yes. summer with you + hubs + baby dash = heaven. then if you get preggers in the fall you can have a late spring baby, which is the BEST.

    and the poached egg breakfast during your day of working-up-to-working sounds so heavenly. i miss our old kitchen (with a FREEZER and an OVEN, can you even imagine?) and getting *realz* excited at the thought of coming home this summer;)

  41. Marybelle said on April 12, 2011

    haha – funny I just read this post (and that i am always LATE to comment), I have one who is 7 months and I love him so incredibly dearly. My husband is already planning number two but here is the thing I HATED HATED HATED being pregnant and then had a lot of complications following delivery (got an infection had to go back to the hospital, got mastitis that resulted in a cyst which surgically had to be removed – ugh!) and I am finally losing the weight and feeling myself again. so yeah, while I definitely want more children I cannot fathom the idea of ever being 8 months huge pregnant again!

    I’ve been thinking about adoption alot lately. And I have also been thinking, perhaps adopt the middle give myself some breathing room and then maybe get pregnant again in 3 or 4 years. I know, I know… I am putting WAAAAY too much thought into this and will all that I’ll probably accidentally get pregnant next week. OH GOSH – even thinking about that stresses me out!

    Anyways good luck. wonderful blog and beautiful little one. :-)

  42. Ann said on April 12, 2011

    I’ve taken a deep breath and dived in with each decision to have a baby, because if you overthink the inconvenience of it you will talk yourself out of it! I’m 31, and now I have a 2.5 year old girl, a one year old boy, and #3 due on my daughter’s 3rd birthday in Nov. The first two are best buds. Would not change a thing.

    Also, we lived in a tiny duplex till #2 was 9 months old and then moved to a bigger house. The move will happen naturally and you’ll be relieved when it does. ;)

    Anyway, the advice I just heard and liked was: “Whatever you end up doing it will work out just fine.” Isn’t that true?

    Love your blog!

  43. Andrea said on May 4, 2011

    I’m newly pregnant with #2. it’s a struggle. My other child who is 2 1/2 is my world but he needs a buddy. For me it sucks, morning sickness, weight gain, maternity leave and having a baby right before a big move across the country, but when i had my first I was in school and moving as well. It will work out. it always does, and the babies are so worth it. I mean look at that beautiful face!

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